DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS redux

So for Christmas, my Sweetie goes out and buys what is alledged to be an Amaryllis plant, aka a Barbados lily, although I've been in Barbados a bunch and I never saw any of these suckers. It's supposed to grow a few inches, then flower.

She brings this thing home, waters it, cares for it, and it shoots up like a sunflower on steroids, a 3-foot-tall giant green penis of a plant with a pinkish bulb on top (honest). She wisely relegates the giant penis from the living room to the guest bathroom, where it continues to (malevolently, I'd say) grow. Christmas day, the thing erupts into giant blooms, whch gets it a free trip back to the living room.

The flowers are large and dish-like, sort of like...big pink mouths...and an additional penis is shooting up on the side.

Hmmmmmm, I think, I've seen this movie! And read the book. Check out Day of the Triffids, a 1963 cult film based on the 1951 horror classic by John Wyndam. The Cliff Notes version is that a swarm of meteorites blind almost everyone on earth, who now become easy pickings for mobile, flesh-eating plants, called Triffids, that look uncannily like the monster in my living room. As the movie poster from 1963 said:

"BEWARE THE TRIFFIDS...they grow...know...walk...talk...stalk...and KILL!"

I've done the only thing I can think of to protect myself...I've programmed the Robo-Sapien to the "guard" mode, where it will respond to motion, touch or sound with a "ROAR!" and positioned it directly in front of the giant penis flower. If that sucker starts walking the Robo-Sapien will warn us in time; I'll pop it with my .454 Casull and use my Cold Steel Chef's Knife to make some Triffid salad!

I hope...

KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES, AMERICA!