Sponge Bob Stud Hoss

I haven't weighed in on the widening Sponge Bob crisis, probably because the Great All-Seeing Eye of Nederland was focused on the even wider Jen/Brad crisis. I don't know about you, but I have trouble focusing on more than one crisis in family values at a time. The short story is some family groups (like family.org, referenced above) feel that certain other organizations are making use of these cartoon characters to promote a pro-homosexual agen....da....snore....nod...wake me when it's over...

I mean, get over it! It''s a sponge, for heaven's sake! I don't know about you, but I have never once considered how a kitchen sponge might have sex. Or, at least, not since high school biology class, when I thought about everything having sex.

Plus, where will it stop?

I mean, Wile E. Coyote, whom I consider one of my personal heroes and the single largest influence for my haphazard career, is hardly Jude Law...whoops, bad choice! I meant Colin Farrell. And who knows what nefarious stuff the Acme Company makes in the back room? Check out this morning's report from the Daily Hog:

ACME Adult Toys, announced today, that "French Ticklers" will be removed from all adult toys produced at their Utah manufacturing facility.

"It's time we stopped allowing the French to screw us", said Tom Long, ACME's pubic relations director.

Beep, beep, indeed!

Here's Michael's Rule of Sexually Deviant Cartoon Characters: Unless you actually see said character co-noodling with one of the hosts of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy at an intimate bistro on Santa Monica Blvd. in LA and there is at least one pair of Aldo half-boots involved, cut the cartoonie some slack! And if you do see such a scene, keep your mouth shut, because you're just jealous!