Now THIS is a MOVIE REVIEW!

Forget that "two thumbs up" crap! Check out Joe Bob Briggs' reprint of his 2003 review of Philip Cook's Despiser:

Taking a look at those drive-in totals:

Forty-nine dead bodies. Five gunbattles. Three crash-and- burns. Four motor vehicle chases. One sucker punch. Two body- transformation scenes. One hydrogen explosion. One Viking funeral. One peasant riot. Flaming church. Flaming car. Upside- down crucifixion. Grotesque insect destruction. Doll-stomping. Gratuitous shipwrecks. Kung Fu. Grenade Fu. Bazooka Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Kit Kirkland, as the beautiful but vexed wife, who says "I want a little stability"; Mike Diesel, as the comic-relief fat friend; Doug Brown, as the fearless World War I vet who leads the assault on the alien tower, saying "We ain't dead, just trapped"; Tara Bilkins, as the rebel mechanic who says "We're God's trashmen sent to right the mess"; Mark Redfield, as the unlikely hero who explains that he has to half kill himself because his wife is "being held prisoner by a bunch of dead guys in Purgatory"; Takahashi Kuriyama, as Fumie the warrior, who says "Can't always wait for good weather to fish"; and Philip Cook, the writer/director/producer, for doing things the drive-in way.

Three and a half stars. Joe Bob says check it out.

How can you not?