Magic Decoder Ring for Gun Writing

This from Ed Head at GUNSITE, who clearly has to much time on his hands!

After speaking with Wiley Clapp yesterday, I was inspired to come up
with what gun writers really mean. With apologies to all my gun writer
friends...

Writes: This pistol requires a careful break in period.
Means: The damn thing doesn't work!

Writes: Although pricey, this pistol provides good value for those who
can afford it.
Means: Thank heaven they gave it to me. There's no way I would pay
that much for this thing.

Writes: We experienced a few malfunctions during testing.
Means: The damn thing didn't work.

Writes: We found this pistol to have acceptable accuracy at combat
ranges.
Means: We tried shooting it at 25 yards and couldn't hit the backstop.
At least at 5 yards we could hit the paper.

Writes: The fit and finish were better than we expected for such a
reasonably priced gun.
Means: This thing is ugly!

Writes: The sights were difficult to see in some lighting conditions
but were generally useful at combat distances.
Means: The sights are a Chinese knock off of Novak's

Writes: The action was a little rough at first but smoothed out with
use.
Means: This thing is junk!

Writes: The trigger was heavier than we like and may have contributed
to the poor groups.
Means: Nobody can shoot this thing. It's junk!

Writes: Careful inspection showed few tool marks.
Means: This thing was put together by someone using a wood rasp.

Writes: The manufacturer has stamped a number of warnings on this gun.
Means: You can take it to the can for reading material.

Writes: We were fortunate to receive a prototype for testing.
Means: I have it and you don't. Don't hold your breath waiting for one
of these.

Writes: The fit and finish were appropriate for a gun designed for hard
use.
Means: Go ahead and throw it in the bed of your truck; you can't hurt
it any.