Another Sign of the End Days

The Ultimate Concealed Alligator

I am terrified…obviously Florida is where the Apocalypse will start:

Florida Man Charged With Picking Magic Mushrooms While Carrying An Alligator 

OVIEDO, Florida -- A Florida man was arrested along with three others last Sunday by a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation officer for allegedly picking hallucinogenic mushrooms in the Little Big Econ State Wildlife Management Area in Seminole County, Florida while also carrying a 2-foot-long alligator in his backpack.

The carrying of alligators is strictly regulated in most states. By putting the alligator in his backpack, this gentleman was clearly carrying the 'gator concealed, which is illegal without a CCA permit in Florida. Under Florida law, if more than 60% of the alligator, measuring from either the tip of the nose or the ned of the tail, is not visible, that alligator is deemed to be "concealed." The irony of this law is that if 60% of the alligator is concealed, measuring from the tail, the other 40% can still bite off your hand, or, indeed, your head if the alligator is big enough.

Generally, the open carry of alligators is allowed, but discouraged. An alligator of greater than 6-feet in length is deemed a "destructive reptile," and can only be carried into Democratic Party gatherings and Sonny Crockett's boat.

The harvesting of "magic mushrooms," which are often found growing in cow flops, is also strictly regulated, with University of Florida students harvesting on even numbered days; Florida State University (my alma mater, BTW) on odd days, and all the rest of the state's colleges and universities on even odder days.

The exact nature of the psychedelic experience is poorly understood, but it is worth noting that Debbie Wasserman Schultz was elected in Florida.