Memoirs of a Sort of Geisha

You know, in the wake of the controversy over A Million Little Pieces and the other "memoirs" which contain the "essential truths" of a person's life while not actually honing to those pesky fact thingies, I'm thinking of writing my own memoirs. I figure I'll start out with a variation of that classic line from Steve Martin's The Jerk:

"I was born a poor black man..."

Then I'll chronicle how I studied to become the rarest of the rare, the only Kabuki player in rural Mississippi. Oh, the trials! Oh, the humanity! Then, after I'm hired as Sheriff in a one-truck town in eastern Oklahoma and I have my first confrontation with Buford Pusser, who's there for a high school football game...

QUICK! Call Oprah! My future is waiting!

Strangely enough, in the Real World, I met Buford Pusser just before he 1) wrapped his Corvette around a tree or 2) got whacked by the Tennessee Mafia, your choice. I was a baby reporter for a newspaper in rural Tennessee, and my specialty was interviewing people who had been abducted by aliens...now that I think about it, my real life might have been as fundamentally weird as my fantasy life. That's creepy, isn't it?

QUICK! Call Oprah! My future is waiting!

While I'm waiting to here from Oprah, here's a nice column from Mike Thomas at the Orlando Sentinel:

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is targeting fishermen in a magazine aimed at our kids. The cover features a fiendish caricature of a man gutting a trout like Jason impaling a teenager in Friday the 13th.

It says: "Your Daddy KILLS Animals!"

Yes, he does. But considering all this gear, not nearly as many as he should.

Get your own copy here. I tried to filch the cover for you, but PETA distrustful mornons that they are, make it hard.

Laugh though you might, at least PETA understands a fundamental truth — that distributing a bazillion copies of an idiotic comix probably has a greater long-term effect that introducing a handful of kids to hunting birds on game farms. It's a battle of numbers. folks!

Don't forget the Carnival of Cordite for Friday the 13th! There's some suggestion that we start a "Best Gun Blog" Awards, since the big blog awards, including the ones for conservative blogs, ignore us like we had a combination of bird flu and BO. You all know that, though, because I've written extensively about how we're the conservatives' crazy uncle locked in the bathroom closet until they need our votes to pull one of their chimps' nuggets out of the election fire. Go to Countertop-Chronicles to read about the idea, then VOTE FOR ME! What category??? I like to think I'm in my own little category...that's one of those "essential truths!"