There's a Ball of Fire in the Sky...

...which was the title of a truly wretched song from Tommy James and the Shondells. But more importantly, yes, there are balls of fire in the sky, over Phoenix and Florida, causing residents to, well, do nothing.

Don't worry...I have a theory! Well, two theories, actually. The first is that the Benevolent Alien Overloads have simply gotten disgusted with the Democratic primary mud-wrestle and have decided to finally make themselves known in the hope of making everyone SHUT THE FRACK UP!

My second and perhaps less likely theory is that the lights are the first signs of the Libertarian Convergence, as predicted in the Mayan Calendar — hey, isn't everything? Anyhow, during the LC a giant black monolith will appear just outside of Intercourse, PA, and simultaneous across the world (in a bizarre recapitulation on the Christian concept of "rapture") liberals will begin exploding, leaving only small greasy spots and an unpleasant odor. Man, would I like to be in Hollywood, or on the set of the Today Show, when the LC hits! It'll look like a string of cheap Chinese firecrackers going off.

Oops...is "cheap Chinese firecrackers" insensitive? Never mind...I'm going to the range to wait for the Benevolent Alien Overlords...I'll bring the cookies and milk...