Cowboy Mounted Shoot-Em-Up

Spent all day today at the Cowboy Mounted Shooting Association (CMSA) World Championships in Scottsdale, AZ, for the first season of COWBOYS.

I've got to confess, I've never really been a horsey person...I've always thought of horses as proto-motorcycles, without a kill switch. I did, however, once do an eight-day cattle drive (pre-CITY SLICKERS, I might add) in Montana for the Chicago Tribune News Syndicate years ago, and I liked it a lot more than I expected. My horse, Jeff-The-Couch, couldn't actually meet the eight criteria for a living organism...sort of like Mr. Ed on thorazine. The wrangler assured me that J-T-C really liked me, which I could tell by the fact that the horse hadn't tossed my butt down the side of a mountain. After a few days, I got to thinking that I could really get to like ole Jeff, if only he'd learn to kneel so I could easily dismount. And maybe get the optional tape player installed.

Mounted cowboy shooting is pretty straightforward--ride like a crazy person through a convoluted course defined by pylons and barrels while blasting away at balloon targets with sixguns loaded with blanks. Paging Quentin Tarantino...your next movie idea is here!

The horses of CMSA could convince me that I really *need* another whacky animal. They're sort of uber-horses, the kind of horses you might find in John Ford westerns. Whenever we were doing interviews with the cowboys and cowgirls, the horses mugged for the camera. A couple of them--I swear--stared at the camera as if they were considering a purchase on their own and were weighing Panasonic versus Sony.

And that's to say nothing of the cowgirls! To watch these women thundering along on horseback through a complex stage, firing their single actions at the balloon targets, trips a whole series of fantasies that probably lodged in my head when I was seven or so, plastered to the television. Gee, Dale, I'm glad you think I'm special...

Could be the chaps, too.

Maybe it's simple jealousy...that the men, women and horses can perform this complex ballet of balloons, barrels and black powder at 40 miles-per-hour, and I still look like a dweeb in a cowboy hat. In any case, hit the CMSA website and see if there's a club or event in your area. You owe it to yourself to go watch a match. Then watch the episode of COWBOYS, and you'll be shopping for oats in no time.

As a matter of fact, I couldn't help but notice your spurs...