Okay, Finally...13th PRECINCT Review!

Like I said, two Glocks 'way up for this remake of the John Carpenter 1976 classic Assault on Precinct 13. Here's what Amazon said about the original:

Before making the original Halloween into one of the most profitable independent films of all time, John Carpenter directed this riveting low-budget thriller from 1976, in which a nearly abandoned police station is held under siege by a heavily armed gang called Street Thunder. Inside the station, cut off from contact and isolated, cops and convicts who were headed for death row must now join forces or die. That's the basic plot, but it's what Carpenter does with it that's remarkable. Drawing specific inspiration from the classic Howard Hawks Western Rio Bravo (which included a similar siege on disadvantaged heroes), Carpenter used his simple setting for a tense, tightly constructed series of action sequences, emphasizing low-key character development and escalating tension.

I've got to say the sequel with Laurence Fishburne and Ethan Hawke pretty much lives up to the original. Here's the huge CNN review, which is, strangely enough, on-target. Here's what you need to know:

1) Laurence Fishburne is the baddest dude in the universe! He could win a triple-dare stare-down with Samuel L. Jackson and Alexander the Great with one eyeball duct-taped behind. We forgive you for Biker Boyz.

2) Drea de Matteo is almost reason enough to move to her hometown of Queens in the hopes of meeting some cousins. I mean, sure, I wanted her, just once, to say, "CHHHHHRRISSSTO...PHHHHEEEERRRR!" We forgive you for dying in the Sopranos and being on that wretched Joey series. Adriana honey...cap that moron Joey and take over as capo de capo!

3) The scene between Ms. De Matteo and Mr. Fishburne on how to kill a person with one hand is worth the price of admission alone.

4) Ethan Hawke is a real actor. Who'd'a thought it? Although, after Training Day, I'm thinking he should give up on a future in law enforcement. We forgive him for both Befores, Sunrise and Sunset, two chick flicks that will cause any male viewers to be immediately impotent for at least the next 24 hours and the battery in his power drill to die.

Ja Rule rules; Brian Dennehy is his believeable self and Maria Bello is, well, Maria Bello. The bad cops (the new replacement for the evil street gang of the original) are badder than bad.

I also give the movie two Glocks and an Accuracy Systems International sniper rifle up for the weaponry. I notice that cop Ethan might start out with an issue Beretta, but when the going gets hot, he graps a 1911 .45 — off-hand, I'd say a Kimber, but I can't swear to it.

This ain't a movie for introspection! This is a popcorn movie! Go see it.