Friday, September 24, 2010

Butt Donor Needed!

Wolf Bane's handy tips for shooting matches...on the first stage DO NOT stand up quickly, twist yourself oddly and pull a muscle in one's left butt cheek. Then, avoid stumbling, grabbing the props to keep from falling and hobbling your way through the rest of the stage! Then you don't have to suffer the slings and arrows of your posse-mates as you Festus your way through the rest of Day One of the Rocky Mountain Regional Raid.

OUCHIES! Hey, even though I managed to salvage a 33 second run out of that debacle, I am still suffering piteously.

I think I'm going to need a complete butt cheek transplant and am looking for donors. I have already turned nixed Lady Ga Ga and Coyote Calhoun...I'm still waiting to hear from Brad Pitt, Hipshot and Linsay Lohan, if they'll let her call from the slammer.

BTW, GREAT match so far!

BTW BTW, do SASS rules allow me to shoot with one of those soft pillows duct-taped to my posterior????

Still clean after Day One.


Anonymous said...

Well, that answers part of my question, but what does the first S in SASS stand for? Sore?

Anonymous said...

Now you know why Festus walked that way.

Tom Bogan

Mike said...

So if I read the post right, you'll be giving the rest of the match your full, half ass'd effort..........

True_Texan said...

My Dad always told me, "If you're going to be stupid, you better be tough."

You are on your way to becoming one tough SOB.

Hope you whoop some ass the next go round.

Pathfinder said...

"True_Texan said...

Hope you whoop some ass the next go round."

I think he whooped some this time around. Only no one told him not to whoop his own ass!

< G G G G G >

rpm64 said...

I hate to correct you but it was Chester who limped his way around in Gunsmoke not Festus. You must have been Weavering your way around (Dennis Weaver was Chester, 1955-1964 on Gunsmoke).Festus was country but cool 1964-1975.

keith said...

Not so much Festus as John Wayne in "The Shootist"

Haji said...

I was thinkin' more Stumpy from Rio Bravo.

iainmcphersn said...

Get yourself a nice pillow like the one JB Brooks used on the trolley car in the Shootist. :)

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