Saturday, July 19, 2014

Another Stunning Scandal Uncovered!

As the world continues to fall apart, New Jersey residents huddle in their homes as anacondas run wild...from Fox:
New Jersey reptile expert reportedly told to 'keep mouth shut' about anaconda on loose 
A reptile expert said Friday that he wants to go "on the record" and confirm that New Jersey authorities are searching for an anaconda, not a boa constrictor in the state's largest lake. 
"I was sworn to keep my mouth shut by local officials to avoid causing a panic," Gerald Andrejcak, the specialist,told NJ.com. "Now that there's a panic, I'm going on the record."
Personally, I'm terrified! I mean, it's been raining a lot at the Secret Hidden Bunker, and anacondas are notoriously sneaky. An anaconda ate Jon Voight -- and don't tell me that was just a movie! Btw! Am I the only one who thinks that was Jennifer Lopez' greatest role? And I'm just spitballing here, but do you think an anaconda could swallow Chris Christie?

6 comments:

Carman said...

I would say the titanoboa MIGHT have been able to, but that human puffer fish would just continue to inflate with his self-generated BS and hot air until the snake gave up.

Anonymous said...

Anacondas took up a whole new meaning after Sir Mixalot released "Baby's Got Back".

So now when I hear "anaconda" I laugh my ass off.

Pun intended.

Anonymous said...

Selena....

Tim Flannery said...

In a 44 Mag I would prefer a S&W.

C J said...

If they catch it (highly improbable) they can move it to NYC to eat the alligators in the sewers.

jaybet said...

I've seen that Anaconda. His name is Vinnie and he runs a poker game on thursday nights in Hoboken.