Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Another Sign of the End Days

The Ultimate Concealed Alligator

I am terrified…obviously Florida is where the Apocalypse will start:
Florida Man Charged With Picking Magic Mushrooms While Carrying An Alligator 
OVIEDO, Florida -- A Florida man was arrested along with three others last Sunday by a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation officer for allegedly picking hallucinogenic mushrooms in the Little Big Econ State Wildlife Management Area in Seminole County, Florida while also carrying a 2-foot-long alligator in his backpack.
The carrying of alligators is strictly regulated in most states. By putting the alligator in his backpack, this gentleman was clearly carrying the 'gator concealed, which is illegal without a CCA permit in Florida. Under Florida law, if more than 60% of the alligator, measuring from either the tip of the nose or the ned of the tail, is not visible, that alligator is deemed to be "concealed." The irony of this law is that if 60% of the alligator is concealed, measuring from the tail, the other 40% can still bite off your hand, or, indeed, your head if the alligator is big enough.

Generally, the open carry of alligators is allowed, but discouraged. An alligator of greater than 6-feet in length is deemed a "destructive reptile," and can only be carried into Democratic Party gatherings and Sonny Crockett's boat.

The harvesting of "magic mushrooms," which are often found growing in cow flops, is also strictly regulated, with University of Florida students harvesting on even numbered days; Florida State University (my alma mater, BTW) on odd days, and all the rest of the state's colleges and universities on even odder days.

The exact nature of the psychedelic experience is poorly understood, but it is worth noting that Debbie Wasserman Schultz was elected in Florida.

15 comments:

KevinC said...

I didn't do it. I don't even OWN an alligator.

Anonymous said...

If the prosecutor is a Democrat, given the two offenses, won't they both be dropped since to a Liberal, two wrongs make a right? And won't the perp' somehow be rewarded in the end, for participating in strictly "organic activities"? After all, neither magic mushrooms, nor alligators contain any petroleum, or coal products and while one emits carbon dioxide, the other actually absorbs it. So, the offenses offset each other. They cancel each other out. And if the backpack was actually a "murse" and if perp' had a man-bun, won't everything be OK in the end? ; )

Life Member

Anonymous said...

So those "Odd Days" are considered a Seminole moment then?

Anonymous said...

BATF = Bureau of Alligator, Tobacco, and Firearms?

Chaz said...

Yer killin' me, Bane!!!

Anonymous said...

In my state, the people's republic of California, Alligators are deemed illegal if they have a pistol grip, grenade launcher, republican tattoo, burn coal, or can hold more than 10 fish or other type of alligator food. We need common sense reptile laws to rid the streets of the bloodbath of reptile killings for our children and their children. Black rifles matter!

kmitch200 said...

I lost all my alligators in a tragic boating accident.

Anonymous said...

And our Deepest Sympathy to the relentlessly relevant cartoonist Chris Muir, Day-by-Day, on the loss of father James Hampton Muir, on Tuesday, July 26, 2016.

Thanks to your dad for raising you and "starring" in the cartoon, right there out in the open.

Life Member

Anonymous said...

MB found todays podcast interesting. With regard to exec protection ready positions...Noticed lately, kindof outta the blue, that the SS have hands high up on their jacket lapels almost constantly. Dont recall this odd stance in the past. Possibly they have new training also ?

Anonymous said...

Can we start a campaign to put an asterisk after Hillary* every time her name is written? The asterisk for -

1) Cheating to win the nomination
2) Lying to Congress
3) ...

DamDoc said...

To all the "gun guys" who cant vote for trump, read this and educate yourselves...

http://hotair.com/archives/2016/07/29/gary-johnsons-vp-wed-be-looking-to-appoint-supreme-court-justices-like-stephen-breyer-and-merrick-garland/

Elizabeth Hanson said...

Bahahahaha! Great sense of humor. :)

Michael Bane said...

Anon, my Sweetie and I were noticing the change in SS ready position, I'm thinking for the same reason…protect "command and control" and have the hands in place to move themselves and the "package" through the crowd…

mb

Chiến Trần Văn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paul Rust said...

I actually can't believe that this happened hahah