We need to be on top of this:
Clown tries to lure kids in Winston-Salem, two clown sightings reported
WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. -- Winston-Salem police say someone in a clown costume tried to lure kids into the woods Sunday night
The incident happened in the 1200 block of East 29th Street off Hwy. 52 about 8:30 p.m.
The "clown" was described as wearing white overalls, white gloves, red shoes with red bushy hair, a white face and a red nose.
The suspect allegedly tried to lure the kids with treats. The suspect was reportedly seen by two children and heard, but not seen, by one adult. The suspect fled the area when officers arrived.
Of course, many of the clown sightings are from Washington D.C., which hardly counts…it's hard to say which is creepier, visiting the Senate and House of Representatives or the offices of the National Review…"clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right"…you can't walk thorough Washington D.C. without hearing the stead flap flap flap of floppy shoes.
Cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough
Sorry…I wanted to see what it felt like to be a Presidential candidate.
Anyway, back to the clown sightings. Don't worry, I'm on top of it. My biggest question is whether the Hornady Zombie Ammo will actually take down an older bull clown. Perhaps it's time to ask the U.S. ammo industry to consider a clown-specific round, perhaps #00 buck packed with multicolored confetti, or maybe flechette rounds that deploy a little tiny flag that say "BANG!" when fired.
My biggest fear is the clowns linking up with the beaver assaults that have been plaguing the world for months (you've only seen it here…there's more a a media clampdown on beaver attacks than Hillary Clinton's coughing fits). Weaponized beavers in the hands of evil clowns represents an existential threat, or at the very least the plot of a new Rob Zombie movie.
I just finished beaver-proofing the Secret Hidden Bunker — razor wire 2 feet off the ground and dummy trees laced with Tannerite. I have written my Congress-slimeball calling for legislation to legalize mortars for civilians, specifically for the beaver threat. For clowns, I've been thinking of faux cotton candy made with the sticky ingredient of flypaper.
I wonder if there's any more coffee?
Cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough...