Design With Bubba!

I've got to stop watching HGTV; it's starting to fog my brain even more than usual. Last night, somewhere between Divine Design and Designers' Challenge, I suddenly realized that I was sitting on a gold mine. I mean, there's a design show in every niche...but one.

I refer, of course, to White Trash Design, the ultimate precursor for White Trash Chic. There are white trash cookbooks, white trash clothing, even a White Trash Barbie...but until now, no cleverly scripted home redecorating show to help guide the flocks of Blue Staters migrating south and west to help "tip the scales" in the next national election. Hey, you can move to rural Georgia (or next door to me in Nowhere, Colorado), but if you expect to effect successful political change, you've got to learn to fit in!

I give you...(pause for build-up of tension)...DESIGN WITH BUBBA!

"Now I know your grandmamma, rest her soul, gave you that dining table that come on the Mayflower, but what our 'crack'—get it?—team has done is move that old one out and replaced it with a big ole cable spool we got for free by cutting through the fence at that ole telephone company workyard out on 15-East. Now our designer and hair stylist, Ethel, has gotcha some sticky back contact paper over at the Target...'cuse me...the Tar-jay, as you Blue-ees say, and we're gonna use the whole roll right on the top of that cable spool..."

"You know, purple is the 'new beige' and all the rage for wall covering, counter-tops, and festive wear. Bobby Lou...he's always been a strange one...did half his mullet in purple, but that was by accident after the fire..."


"Now this is your new entertainment center, built entirely of knotty pine with them black wrought iron hinges made real cheap in Mexico where all the jobs went. You notice it don't pick up NPR or CBS, but it does have all-Rush, all the time..."

"We were able to bring it in under our $2,000,000.79 budget, you bein' new to the area and all. Y'all have a good time with everything—you gonna love that tractor tire planter come spring!—and in no time at all, your kids are gonna be goin' to NASCAR, buying t-shirts with guns on 'em and lookin' forward to votin' Republican! We'll see you folks next week on...DESIGNING WITH BUBBA!"