Yet Another Airport Bulletin...

Well, I'm killing time in an airport—now there's a surprise!—and I just wanted to check in and say that air marshals are getting better looking. At least, the one I watched going through security was a serious babe. Still, you'd think they'd have a system in place by now that kept even half-asleep slackers like me from making the marshals. I'd tell you how I picked her out, but then I'd be part of the problem, wouldn't I?

They're usually about as hard to pick out as, say, a tomato in a field of lemons. I actually got seated by an air marshal earlieer this year. Aside from the fact that he practically had a neon "COP!" sign above his head, during the flight he leaned over to the attractive woman sitting in the window seat and confided that he was an air marshal and, indeed, had a gun. Well, she was impressed!

He almost busted me for taking my bag from under the seat in front of me before we were appropiately docked at the gate (we were about 10 feet away and everybody was getting ready for the usual sprint to the door).

"Sir," he said when I slide by bag out and pulled it open, "we're not docked yet."

That's okay, I said.

"No sir, it's not okay," said the Marshal. "I'm an armed federal air marshal, and if you don't place your bag back under the seat, I;'m going to take you into custody."

Whoa, I said! Armed and all! Well sir, I'll just slide that bag right on back under the seat, which I did. Since we'd docked, I pulled it back out. Man, I felt so much more secure!!!