A friend of mine and I were once given the keys to the wrong room at the Waldorf. We bopped up the stairs so he could see my neat corner room with a view of the sidewalk parade. I stick the key in, swing open the door — TA-DA! — and, ta-da, there's a man in a black suit and shades stacking banded $100 bills into a Zero Halliburton aluminum briefcase. In ultra-slow motion, he sets down a handful of bills and picks up a Glock 17 lying on the bed by the briefcase.
I remember my friend starting to say, "What the...!!!" I said, "Shut up." The Glock came up like an adder, stopping with the huge hole at the end of the barrel — and it was bigger than anything I've ever seen befolre or since — pointing at the center of my face from about six feet away. My friend started to say something again, and, again, I said, "Shut up."
"Good," Shades said, the Glock never wavering. "What do you see?"
"I see nothing," I said. "Nothing at all."
"Again," Shades said.
"I see nothing," I say. I can feel sweat pooling at the small of my back. "I say nothing."
There is a long moment where I study the rifling in the barrel of the Glock.
"Get the f$#% out of here," Shades says, without raising his voice. I grab my friend and tow him backwards out the door, never taking my eyes off the Glock.
We clear the door and are down the stairs quick like a bunny. "We gotta call the cops," my friend practically shouts. "For what?" I said. "We gotta go get a margarita." So we did.
And in other strange matters, this from AP, courtesy MSNBC:
MOUNT HOLLY, Ark. - A hunter suffered hypothermia and kidney damage after becoming entangled in his deer stand and dangling upside down 30 feet above the ground in sleet for 8½ hours.You got to know there were some Far Side deer hanging around laughing. Well, Ted's dead now. Time to go shovel the 4-foot drift from in front of the garage! Lot to be said for Miami...