As we head into tonight's debate, a thought...I wish Katie Couric — that bastion of kissy journalism, the very woman who embraced Sarah Brady and called her one of the most important people in American history, a woman who's IQ is barely room temperature and has single-handedly wrecked the once-great CBS news franchises, a woman who has distinguished herself solely for her collection of expensive shoes — had asked me what magazines and newspapers I read to keep up on world news.
"Well, Katie...I subscribe to RADIO-CONTROLLED HELICOPTERS and through my membership in the .50 Caliber Shooters Association, VERY HIGH POWER magazine...[pause]"
"Michael, I was thinking more in terms of news magazines..."
"Well, Katie, you don't really think in the sense that mammals think...it would be fairer to say that whatever B-Bs your handlers dump into the empty boxcar of your head eventually roll our your mouth and dribble onto your Manolos..."
"But you must read TIME and NEWSWEEK?"
"Whatever for? The liberal spin of the week? The MSM self-justifying lies network? Anna Quindlen's endlessly whining columns? I'd rather listen to Adam Sandler tell fart jokes. Besides, if I brought them into my house, there's a chance Alf the Wonder Beagle might chew them up and get sick..."
"What about newspapers?"
"Stiffer than Charmin, but better than leaves and twigs..."
"Thank you, Michael! Tomorrow, our in-depth study of Paris Hilton's navel lint..."