Fun With United!

I have to say that this morning's check-in for my flight to Memphis on United was weirder than usual. I check in at the electronic ticket kiosk, just like every week. I'm waiting to get my firearms declaration and baggage tag when a United "customer service representative" (I know, I know!) comes over and asks what I'm waiting for. I say a firearms declaration and my bag tag.

"Oh my god!" she says. "You can't do that here!"

"Well," I reply reasonably. "I did it here last week, but, please, tell me where I can check in."

"I don't know," she says. "But I know you can't do it here."

"I fly every week with a firearm," I say, "and unless there's been a rule change since last week, I need to get a firearms declaration from you, put it in my gun case and send the bag to TSA."

"I know that," she snapped. "But you can't do it here."

I decide to shut up and roll out my Number Two Best Smile, since I'm afraid my Number One Best Smile will lead to her swooning on the spot. She looks more and more nervous — the #2 is a killer! — and finally she says, "I need to get Mr...Mr...a man!" I nod enthusiastically and crank #2 up a notch. She runs off and finds a man, who listens intently and says, "Don't worry; I've got it now." She quickly exits, probably to keep from giving me her phone number and proposing elopment.

"Now," a man says when she's out of earshot. "What do you usually do?"

I run through the routine again, and he says, "Seems reasonable, although the rules do change hourly." I ask for a red firearms declaration card, fill it out and stick it in the bag. I hand a man my guncase keys and say, "Tell the TSA guys the guy from The Outdoor Channel says hi." He exits and returns with my key. "The guys behind the counter say hi," he says.

"What should I do next week?" I ask.

"The same thing you always do," says a man. "Have a great flight!"

BTW, life is simpler is the gun is disassembled in the gun case! Then TSA doesn't open the case. This week, also BTW, I'm carting around my Sig 225 9mm and using the Sig Concealed Carry Jacket as the holster. Life be simple!