Thursday, July 15, 2010

Just When I Think It Can't Get Any Weirder...

Well, I smell ACADEMY AWARD!!! For the S&W .500, of course...Best Performance by a Penis Surrogate with Lindsay Lohan's Tongue. This is actually for a movie that, I can assure you, every one of us are going to queue up to see: Machete. How can it miss? Lindsay Licker, Robert DeNiro, Don Johnson (Don Johnson!?!?!), Steven Seagal, Michelle "Don't Let Me Drive" Rodriguez, Jessica Alba (be still my beating heart!), Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin (not "yeah," but "HELL yeah!") and the incomparable character actor with knives Danny Trejo, one of my personal heroes, all directed by the Lord of Mayhem Hisself, Robert Rodriguez.

And machine guns...oh yes, machine guns...

It's Plot 2, BTW — REVENGE! Bring it, dog!

Meanwhile, in the important news, I've mentioned this before but it certainly still seems germaine, and that's Tactical Corsets.

Admit'd pay money to see Jessica Alba in one of these things, if, of course, you could hide the expenditure from your Significant Other. It's available in both overbust and underbust version, there's also a tactical corset for menfolk, but believe me, I'm not going there! BTW, in addition to holsters and flashligh carriers, there are pouches for handcuffs (natch) and an "Interrogation Pouch," which holds the cutest little tactical cat-o-nine-tails...I wonder if the cat is from Blackhawk?

I was reminded of this today by a cool post on titled "13 Ridiculously Tactical Items." One of the commenters suggested this Tactical Sporran, in which you can keep your Tactical Cheese Holster. Of course, now I've got to figure out where to get some Tactical Brie.

BTW, do you think I should start wearing a tactical kilt on SHOOTING GALLERY, to match my Hawaiian shirts? Too much? Scratch the plaid beret?

With visions of a corseted Jessica Alba in my head, I gotta go reload some .357s...


Tim Covington said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tim Covington said...

Needed to edit that. To see a tactical kilt, go to:

DonWorsham said...

tactical kilt? Yes, please.

Dave S. said...

Machete would be fun, except that it will no doubt be rabidly pro-illegal-alien. I'll bet there will be evil Minutemen.

Anonymous said...

Dave S is right. Machete is not on my must see list.

Obake said...

I use/wear Utilikilts.
Amazingly comfortable even in colder weather. Obviously they provide better mobility and the Utilikilt designs tend to have a lot pockets so plenty of cargo room. Yes, even for me, they are a babe magnet if that sort of thing is desirable for you. They come in solid colors and on occasion various camouflage tartans for us true heretics. Hey they worked great for the Scottish right? Enjoy! Eric Baumwell R.N.

Anonymous said...

Rent Machete DVD

Place in DVR and put sound on mute

Play Mystery Science Theature and make up your own dialog with friends while indulging in adult beverages.

Jessica Alba is a 10+ but there is something about Michelle Rodriquez that works for me.

Ratcatcher 55

Anonymous said...

OK yes I would pay!

Charlie Foxtrot said...

Ach, laddie; what you doon realize is that ALL kilts are tactical...

DamDoc said...

Beam me up Scotty!

Pathfinder said...

Jessica Alba is tres passe' - IOW, over. She can't act, had a great body when she was younger, and whined incessantly about not being given real acting jobs, just ones like Cameron's that had her running around in spandex. Or maybe Sin City, riding the electric bull in chaps, a vest and a hat - and not much else.

Acting? Riiiiiight! An interesting face and big boobs will only get you so far - unless you're Halle Berry and take your top off in your Nth movie, then you get the Academy Award.

Machete IS rabidly pro-illegals. I may watch it just to get fired up before I go to the range.

JTacp said...

Bizzarro-world. One can only envy a man with a gun that big. Might be ammusing if the habit where on fire.
JT out.

Anonymous said...

My knifesmith has at least one tacti-kilt, and they seem to work all right for him!

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