Thursday, July 15, 2010
Just When I Think It Can't Get Any Weirder...
Well, I smell ACADEMY AWARD!!! For the S&W .500, of course...Best Performance by a Penis Surrogate with Lindsay Lohan's Tongue. This is actually for a movie that, I can assure you, every one of us are going to queue up to see: Machete. How can it miss? Lindsay Licker, Robert DeNiro, Don Johnson (Don Johnson!?!?!), Steven Seagal, Michelle "Don't Let Me Drive" Rodriguez, Jessica Alba (be still my beating heart!), Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin (not "yeah," but "HELL yeah!") and the incomparable character actor with knives Danny Trejo, one of my personal heroes, all directed by the Lord of Mayhem Hisself, Robert Rodriguez.
And machine guns...oh yes, machine guns...
It's Plot 2, BTW — REVENGE! Bring it, dog!
Meanwhile, in the important news, I've mentioned this before but it certainly still seems germaine, and that's Tactical Corsets.
Admit it...you'd pay money to see Jessica Alba in one of these things, if, of course, you could hide the expenditure from your Significant Other. It's available in both overbust and underbust version, there's also a tactical corset for menfolk, but believe me, I'm not going there! BTW, in addition to holsters and flashligh carriers, there are pouches for handcuffs (natch) and an "Interrogation Pouch," which holds the cutest little tactical cat-o-nine-tails...I wonder if the cat is from Blackhawk?
I was reminded of this today by a cool post on Tacticalgear.com titled "13 Ridiculously Tactical Items." One of the commenters suggested this Tactical Sporran, in which you can keep your Tactical Cheese Holster. Of course, now I've got to figure out where to get some Tactical Brie.
BTW, do you think I should start wearing a tactical kilt on SHOOTING GALLERY, to match my Hawaiian shirts? Too much? Scratch the plaid beret?
With visions of a corseted Jessica Alba in my head, I gotta go reload some .357s...