Taking a quick sip of his pina colada, he darted out the door to rescue an entire elementary school being shepherded by 2 burka-clad teachers, personally carrying 7 children to a nearby basement. He then jumped out of the basement to shove 2 Special Forces guys to the ground just as an RPG whizzed overhead, then graciously paused to sign 2 hero cards he whipped from underneath his plate armor for the adoring operators.
Barely sipping from his drink, Brian filed a video report on his phone, consulted with U.S. commanders on both strategy and tactics, led a U.N. NGO team to film American atrocities, accepted his Emmy by phone, changed the oil in 2 Hummers, talked briefly with George Clooney, arranged for a local woman to redo his hair before his next video report, answered 2 texts from Rev Al Sharpton, and, finally finishing his drink, talked the jihadists into surrendering, moving to America and registering to vote as Democrat!
Now Brian's a hero and that is all true.
He does things that mortals like me cannot do.
He brings all the news to our homes each night
No Tea Party loonies or cats from the right
No guns, no Jesus, no men who are white
Just words from the White House give Brian delight
And that is a story that no one can beat.
And to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street.