GOOD NEWS! No need to worry anymore about the election! Forget April Fool's Day and your taxes! Overextended on cars, mortgage and credit cards? NO WORRIES! In fact, the only thing you have to worry about after Monday is…wait for it…wait for it…ammo!
How do I know this, you quite rightly ask? Well, I saw the movie...
From USA Today today:
One comet to swerve closer to Earth than any other comet in centuries
An emerald-green comet will brush the Earth Monday, followed one day later by a kissing cousin that will swerve closer to the planet than any other comet in nearly 250 years.
The first and bigger of the two comets will be visible Monday to the naked eye in the southern hemisphere, as long as city lights are far away. Stargazers in the United States will probably need only binoculars to see the bigger comet in late March. Scientists, however, are bringing out the big guns. The Hubble Space Telescope, the powerful ground-based Gemini telescopes and others will be trained on the celestial visitors, which will provide an extraordinary close-up of objects usually glimpsed only at a distance.
“This is one for the record books,” says Michael Kelley of the University of Maryland, who’s never heard of two comets approaching close to Earth a day apart. “It’s a fantastic opportunity for professionals to learn more about comets, and if you have a chance to try to find them … it’s a fantastic chance to see part of history as it happens…"THAT is exactly what they said in the movie! NIGHT OF THE COMET, 1984, with the big hair hottie Catherine Mary Steward and a baby Kelli Maroney, complete in cheerleader drag.NIGHT OF THE COMET seems set to join ENEMY OF THE STATE and THE SEIGE as movies that uncannily predicted the future.
Here's the plot, straight from Wickipedia:
The Earth is passing through the tail of a comet, an event which has not occurred in 65 million years, the last time coinciding with the extinction event that wiped out the dinosaurs. On the night of the comet's passage (which takes place eleven days before Christmas), large crowds gather outside to watch and celebrate.
18-year-old Regina "Reggie" Belmont (Catherine Mary Stewart) works at a movie theater in southern California. She is annoyed to find the initials DMK have the sixth highest score on the theater's arcade game, all the other scores being hers. She stays after the theater closes to play until DMK's score is removed and have sex with her boyfriend Larry, the theater projectionist, in the steel-lined projection booth. Meanwhile, Reggie's 16-year-old sister Samantha "Sam" (Kelli Maroney)argues with their stepmother Doris, who punches her in the face.
The next morning, a reddish haze covers everything, and there are no signs of life, only piles of red dust and heaps of clothing. Unaware that anything strange has happened, Larry goes outside and is killed by a zombie. When Reggie goes looking for Larry, she encounters the zombie. She heads home to find her sister. Because both Reggie and Sam spent the night shielded from cosmic effects by steel, they were saved from the comet's effects.
There you have it. Tell me that this is not the real thing…come Monday (as Jimmy Buffett, soon to be the late, or ate, Jimmy Buffett, might sing) it's red goo or 100% ZOM…unless you're behind steel. It means we're going to have to close the blast shutters here at the Secret Hidden Bunker.
Well, it's been a fun ride, and please don't hold it against me if I blast your zombie head into oblivion on Tuesday.
BTW, best line in the movie? Reggie scores a MAC 10 from Hector, another surviver, by saying, "C'mon Hector. The MAC 10 was practically designed for housewives!" She gives to Sam to learn to shoot. After repeated jams, Sam turns to Reggie and says:
"Daddy would have gotten us an Uzi."
Words of wisdom…words of wisdom…lock and load…Monday is coming!