Thursday, August 16, 2007

Magic Decoder Ring for Gun Writing

This from Ed Head at GUNSITE, who clearly has to much time on his hands!
After speaking with Wiley Clapp yesterday, I was inspired to come up
with what gun writers really mean. With apologies to all my gun writer
friends...

Writes: This pistol requires a careful break in period.
Means: The damn thing doesn't work!

Writes: Although pricey, this pistol provides good value for those who
can afford it.
Means: Thank heaven they gave it to me. There's no way I would pay
that much for this thing.

Writes: We experienced a few malfunctions during testing.
Means: The damn thing didn't work.

Writes: We found this pistol to have acceptable accuracy at combat
ranges.
Means: We tried shooting it at 25 yards and couldn't hit the backstop.
At least at 5 yards we could hit the paper.

Writes: The fit and finish were better than we expected for such a
reasonably priced gun.
Means: This thing is ugly!

Writes: The sights were difficult to see in some lighting conditions
but were generally useful at combat distances.
Means: The sights are a Chinese knock off of Novak's

Writes: The action was a little rough at first but smoothed out with
use.
Means: This thing is junk!

Writes: The trigger was heavier than we like and may have contributed
to the poor groups.
Means: Nobody can shoot this thing. It's junk!

Writes: Careful inspection showed few tool marks.
Means: This thing was put together by someone using a wood rasp.

Writes: The manufacturer has stamped a number of warnings on this gun.
Means: You can take it to the can for reading material.

Writes: We were fortunate to receive a prototype for testing.
Means: I have it and you don't. Don't hold your breath waiting for one
of these.

Writes: The fit and finish were appropriate for a gun designed for hard
use.
Means: Go ahead and throw it in the bed of your truck; you can't hurt
it any.

5 comments:

DonWorsham said...

Do you think Dorf looks like Ed Head?

Anonymous said...

Cuz,

You need to quit holding back and say whats on your mind.....LOL

Rick B

gunman42782 said...

Finally, a translation of gun writer BS!!!! I have said as much for years now!

Hazcat said...

Writes: Take down is relatively easy..

Means: You need three hands, a vise and a hammer to get it apert.

Pete said...

I've been trying to figure out why every review includes two to three paragraphs on the take-down procedure? This has no impact on the performance of the gun or whether I'll buy it. It feels like its included only to meet the author's column space requirements. (And we wonder why Esquire's paying better.)

Unless the take-down or re-assembly is extremely complicated (I'm talking to you, Ruger Mark II) fill the space with useful information, or -- gasp -- leave the article shorter!