Saturday, September 05, 2009

Harumph...Grumble...Saturday


But first, to the larger issue of greater caliber, this:
State police have charged a self-proclaimed Civil War buff with accidentally firing a 2-pound cannon ball through the wall of a neighbor's home.
William Maser, 54, of Georges Township, told Channel 11 News that his hobby is recreating Civil War cannons. He said he's been doing it for over 30 years. Maser said he was firing a cannon Wednesday evening when the ball ricocheted and hit the house about 400 yards away.
Police said nobody was hurt by the cannon ball, which slammed through a window, struck a medicine cabinet and a wall before landing in a clothes closet.

Maser is charged with reckless endangerment, criminal mischief, and disorderly conduct.
Now, the Four Rules as applied to canons:
1) ALL CANONS ARE ALWAYS LOADED ALL THE TIME NO KIDDING EVEN THE ONE IN FRONT OF THE GRANGE HALL THAT HAS BEEN SITTING THERE SINCE ROUGHLY 1868 AND IS COMPLETELY COVERED WITH BIRD POOP!
2) DO NOT POINT THE CANON AT ANYTHING YOU DO NOT WISH TO SEE OBLITERATED, TOTALLY DESTROY, SMASHED, BLOWN TO CRAP, DEADER THAN A DEAD PARROT, CROAKED, WHACKED, GROUND TO DUST OR HAVE A GREAT BIG HOLE POKED THROUGH IT!

3) KEEP THE MATCH AWAY FROM THE TOUCH-HOLE UNTIL YOU'RE READY TO ENGAGE FRENCH PRIVATEERS OR SHIPS FLYING THE "JOLLY ROGER"!

4) BE SURE OF YOUR TARGET, WHAT'S BEHIND YOUR TARGET, WHAT'S IN FRONT OF YOUR TARGET, WHAT'S NEAR YOUR TARGET, WHAT'S IN THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR TO YOUR TARGET, YOUR TARGET'S CLOSEST FRIENDS, LARGE BUILDINGS IN NEARBY COUNTIES, OBESE CHILDREN IN THE SAME AREA CODE AND ADJACENT STATES!
Okay, follow those rules and the only people to suffer will be those damn French privateers and the occasional pirate. On a similar subject (you'll get the connection in just a minute), Brillianter blog is addressing the critical issue of pistol bayonets:
I can’t think of a situation where I need this, nor one where it would look cool. Some people have made the “weapons retention” argument, but I remain unconvinced. This is about as useful as a fish bicycle.
Ha! Shows what he knows! As A Genuine Gun Expert, I can tell you categorically pistol bayonets come into their own while repelling boarders! I don't know about you guys, but here at the Secret Hidden Bunker we're spot on when it comes to repelling boarders. The big issue with pistol bayonets, of course, comes when using them in pocket carry...it is far too easy to cut an artery in the groin region when carelessly repocketing the bayonet-equipped pistol, which will result in bleeding out rather quickly. At the Secret Hidden Bunker, we recommend mounting the bayonet-equipped pistol in a forward position on the 6 0'clock rail of an AR, giving one the benefit of both a bayonet and a pistol premounted on the AR! Thirty rounds of 5.56, 19 rounds of 9mm and a bayonet...bring on the dastardly UN troopies!

This mounting position may, however, require relocating the Tactical Coffee-Maker to the 9 o'clock rail (which seems to me more appropriate for coffee anyway).

15 comments:

Hazcat said...

ROTFLMAO!

You're in rare form today, MB!

Anonymous said...

You sleep in folks might like it at 9:00 but us early risers need a working coffemaker at 6:00. Put the pistol and bayonet at 9:00.

That's the way gangsters roll!

Ratcatcher55

Joe Merchant24 said...

whine>
But my aquarium bubbler is at 9 o'clock!
/whine>

Anonymous said...

The 4 rules for cannons -

now that was funny.

And that's not just the Chardonnay talking.

Dave S. said...

A bayonet has no place on a pistol rail. That's where the forward handgrip goes.

Charlie Foxtrot said...

.
BTW, Cannon - the shootsy thing, is spelled with two Ns.

Canon, is a digital camera manufacturer that is currently dangling their latest DSLR in front of me like a pusher showing his wares to a junky.

longwatch said...

Say what you will, people are buying the things, we have no trouble selling them in my shop.

Brigid said...

I think I could use that as combination "home defense" and hors d'oeuvres spear when we run out of toothpicks for the hot and spicy meatballs.

Dave S. said...

"Say what you will, people are buying the things"

People will buy a lump of warm dogsh** if it's marketed as a "tactical" lump of warm dogsh**.

Put a Picatinny rail on that "Tactical Lump of Warm Dogsh**" and you can charge double.

Kristopher said...

Actually ... there are rules for safe muzzleloader artillery handling.

http://www.americanartillery.org/aaa/marty.html

( word verification: blamo

How very, very appropriate. )

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Bob G. said...

ROTFLMAO...
Brilliant!!!

(and some damn sound advice when spotting those wayward privateers!)

Good idea on the coffee pot 9 o'clock (my dust-buster is "at the 3"...for spent brass)...!

Stay safe.

seeker_two said...

"State police have charged a self-proclaimed Civil War buff with accidentally firing a 2-pound cannon ball through the wall of a neighbor's home."

You know you're living in an interesting neighborhood when....

falnfenix said...

t'hee, the "Four Rules as applied to Cannon" had me cackling this morning. thanks for the laugh!

Mike W. said...

I guess appendix carry is out of the question with a pistol bayonet?...