Michael's Really Bad Mood...

…okay, I just ripped a guy a metaphorical new butthole on the phone, and since I will no doubt be brutalized for it on FaceBook, I would like to do a little 'splaining.

The person in question has called me repeatedly looking for a free copy of the show in which he appeared. And you know what? I'd have given him one — I'll still give him one — even though it's not technically something I'm supposed to do. OUTDOOR CHANNEL owns the programming I do. OC is a huge media conglomerate with a very specific set of rules for those of us who work within it. Several of those rules involves when and under what circumstances we can release material.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO…you call me up, explain that you won't subscribe to OC because it's too much money, it was "too much trouble" to ask a friend to record the episode for you, you'd like use the segment of the episode to promote your own business and you want it now.

Sigh…well, you can't have it now for several reasons, not the least of which is that the season is still running. I can't do anything until the season ends. Period. When shows are in their first run on OC, that is the only place you can see them. Not on the Internet; not on another channel, not on a DVD.

Secondly, there's a sense that somewhere in the bowels of the production companies I use there's a machine that spits out DVDS. In fact, as a routine matter we don't do DVDs at all…it's a digital workflow. DVDs are a special set-up…a production person has to stop what he or she is doing, set up a computer to create a DVD and run said DVD off. Considering that the small production house we use has 3 series in production right now, nobody has the time (or the spare machine) to knock off a DVD.

That's all pretty straightforward. Once the season's over and the production crunch has passed, I can and do ask my production company to produce a few DVDs for people who've helped us over the season. Those request are very, very limited, and even those DVDs are released with specific caveats…you can't dupe them to hand out or sell, you can't use the material on the DVD in, say, a television or Internet ad, any use of the material without proper attribution is prohibited, etc.

Those are the rules I operate under.

Should you decide to call me and try to bully me into something I simply cannot do, you will discover a have a somewhat legendary temper.

Let me apologize in advance for that.

Secondly — and all of you who have worked on my various shows over the years already know this — we have never forced anyone to be on television. We ask if you'd like to be part of the show. You can say yes or you can say no. We're fine with either. If you don't want to be on a show, we'll ask someone else. We NEVER offer "consideration," that is, there is NO quid pro quid for your appearance in a show. We at NO point say, "If you do this for us, we will do that for you." We promise you neither money, gold, product placement, DVDs, tchotchkes, dream dates, slaves, or even adult beverages, although we do try to pick up the dinner tabs when we can.

We are there at the invitation of the organizers of whatever event or subject we are filming. We never just show up. Everyone involved knows that we're going to be there filming. In that sense we're like vampires — we can't come in unless you invite us in.

That said, we do our best to accommodate requests. And twice a year I buy the beer.

More than this I can't tell you.