Saturday, November 21, 2015

Something That Really Bother Me...

Why would the United States spend so much money on something that is driving Americans to hang, strangle and suffocate themselves?

Look at this chart:

Since 1999 there has been a 99.79% correlation between U.S. spending on science, space and technology with suicides by hanging, strangulation and suffocation!

Almost 100% correlation!

This is nightmarish! How many more people must die horribly before we end this needless obsession with science and technology?

You may ask yourself what you can do as a single individual, a tiny nit on the back of the mangy dog that is America, to stop this nightmare, but even the smallest, most inconsequential, person can help!!!

We're asking you today, right this minute, to join MOMS DEMAND ACTION FOR SENSIBLE SCIENCE SPENDING IN AMERICA! We'll be partnering with other like-minded groups funded by the same billionaire (as soon as we find our billionaire) such as AMERICANS FOR RESPONSIBLE SCIENCE SOLUTIONS TO SUICIDE and EVERYTOWN FOR SCIENCE SAFETY to create an unstoppable wave of mothers, fathers, household appliances, cats, beavers and yes, even SUVs to end the scourge of hanging, strangulation and suffocation suicides caused by irresponsible spending on spaceships, electronic thingies and stuff the military might use.

We have reached out to no less than SHANNON "Kneepads" WATTS and MARK "Starman" KELLY to head our new organization!

Please send you $100 and up contribution today! Please make your checks out to "CASH, ℅ Michael Bane," General Delivery, The Secret Hidden Bunker, Colorado.

Remember, if we save just one life, it's worth it!

And if you've gotten this far, take a minute to also remember that correlation does not equal causation, no matter what the antigun idiots say!

But, hey, send the money anyway!!!! LOL!


Sheepdog1968 said...

No no no. We need to ban that killer rope. If we can't get the full outright ban, then at least we can ban the length of it. Who really needs a 30 foot rope when really a three foot rope is long enough. And of course, we need to really focus our efforts on paracord because only the military really needs paracord.

_DonWorsham_ said...

Checks in the mail! Please hold till the end of the month.

Anonymous said...

We need "common-sense" regulations on rope. We need to have a new Federal Law that limits the length of ropes sold, especially to minors. We need to ensure that individual lengths are not long enough to tie together to increase their CAPACITY to encircle a neck. We need a tax on any rope longer that one inch. That will certainly stop this madness.
Books on knot tying should also be banned and at removed from library shelves, especially in our schools. And the Boy Scouts? Eliminate the knot tying requirement for rank advancement; unless it's to tie a rainbow neckerchief.

All ropes should be registered and owners licensed too. Owners need to pass a Federal background check to buy ropes and serial numbers need to be indelibly marked on each rope so that the rope can be traced if need be. Having "SMART ROPES" should be mandatory. After-all, we do have the PROVEN technology to make them mandatory. The ropes should be able to tell if they are being tied into a hang-man's knot and they should automatically unravel.

We need to also ban individual sales of rope from one citizen to another. We also need to end the "Craft Show Loop-hole". That's where large masses of rope enthusiasts gather to trade and sell all kinds of HIGH-CAPACITY" ropes. Enough!

And last, we have to stand-up to the National Rope Association (a.k.a. "NRA".), we need to stand up to them and say enough. They ARE HANGING OUR CHILDREN! They have "skin on their hands" for opposing such "common-sense" laws.

Yes America, this is a great threat to us all!

Life Member

JohninMd.(Help?!??) said...

And don't forget, we need to address the horrible problem of the modern, nylon mantle climbing and "assault" rope, vs. the more reasonable, traditional twisted hemp or manila "hunting" or sailor's style rope.....

KevinC said...

I'm currently negotiating with an Account Manager in the National Bank of Burkina Faso about freeing up a ton of cash that I'm owed. Once I receive that windfall, I will send it your way.

Anonymous said...

Michael, Michael, Michael...did you forget to take your meds? Or, are you just getting bored sitting around the house?