TIME Review of iPod Shuffle

Alright already! I bought one! I'm a guy, I can't help myself! I thought my regular 30-gig iPod might like a little friend! Read TIME's review of the iPod Shuffle:

Not only is it undeniably affordable, but as a lightweight plastic thingamajig with no moving parts, it can go where a hard-disk iPod risks more long-term damage. But that doesn't mean it isn't still sly Apple marketing. Somewhere on a dry-erase board in Cupertino, there's a formula showing exactly how many cool kids must be seen with iPod Shuffles before the rest of the world suddenly, instinctually, races to a store to plunk down cash for that little white slice of heaven. Wouldn't Bill Gates love to see that formula?

Okay, here's what was on my iPod playlist while I was locked in my basement yesterday, alternately hitting the Spinner bike and treadmill to see if I could make my knees glow:

Mandolin Wind — the only Rod Stewart song I can stand, and an amazingly good country song.
Flying Saucers Rock and Roll — Billy Lee Riley is one of the great lost rockabilly heroes, and this song could be a HIT TOMORROW!
Life Has It's Little Ups and Downs — Charlie Rich is a such a tragic figure; forget all that "Most Beautiful Girl" saccharine crap...this song is his legacy.
Aja — "Double helix in the sky tonight..." I never get tired of Steely Dan.
Rawhide — The Link Wray instrumental; this'll make you want to grab Uma Thurman and sprint onto the dance floor.
Mystery Train — Elvis at his most dangerous, back when rock actually mattered.
He Stopped Loving Her Today — George Jones is God. Imagine being able to write a song like "At Least I've Learned to Stand on My Own Two Knees."
Red Hill Mining Town — Sure, Bono is liberal twit with the brains of a deck of canasta cards, but the boy can sing...and The Edge's guitar is sublime.
Sweet Child O'Mine — Go ahead...make fun of me...Axel Rose could still kick your butt if he ever came out of his stupor! Even if he does wear skirts.
Seven — I have no idea what the lyrics mean, but The Great Purple One (a.k.a. Prince for you Philistines) must have had something in mind.
Lose Yourself — Eminem is a jerk, but I'm not asking him to dinner. This song means it.
Hand in My Pocket — You gotta hand it to Alanis Morrisette, a woman willing to play God (and/or George Jones) in a Kevin Smith movie. Plus, one couplet describes my entire life: "I'm lost/But I'm hopeful."
High Noon — The original Tex Ritter version, which includes the part about shooting Frank Miller dead and how if I'm a man, I must be brave.
Watching the Detectives — Elvis Costello in his creepy phase.
Dixie on My Mind — Brother Hank Jr. actually wrote this song for me [honest!] based on a snippet of telephone conversation...he asked me how I could live in NYC, and I said, well, it ain't the friggin' Promised Land! Of such meager thread number one hits are woven.
Home Sweet Home Revisited — A Rodney Crowell song that perfectly captures William Faulkner's classic comment on the South — "The past is never dead; it's not even past" — sung by a man who believed himself to be a reincarnated Confederate soldier killed at Shiloh (Steve Young).
The Ride — I once wrote the jacket copy for a David Allan Coe album, which turned out to be the X-rated adult version. I suppose I have to live with that. Still, this is creepy Southern gothic at its best, and DAC is its master poet.
Ubangi Stomp — I was backstage at Madison Square Garden with John Prine when he premiered his version of this Warren Smith classic from 1956. I told him I couldn't believe he was singing that song in NYC; he told me that if the audience started throwing things at him, I should come drag him offstage.
Damn Good Cowboy — Charlie Daniels is a national treasure, and this one is perfect Charlie.
Will the Wolf Survive? — I have the Los Lobos Chicano anthem, but this version is by Waylon Jennings and it carries every bit of the emotional punch of the original.
Asking Us to Dance — Kathy Mattea...yes, this is a "girly song." I still love it.
Dancing Queen — I got thrown off the "prestigious" Village Voice poll of rock critics becase I said ABBA was the greatest pop group in history. Na na na na!!! I was right, and Husker Du, the critics' darlings at the time, is only a rock and roll FOOTNOTE! Take that, intelligensia!