Books Are Those Heavy Things With Pages...

"I know what's in every book in every library in the world..."
"What's that?"
"Words."

— Brother Dave Gardner

Ah yes, rejoice, dear hearts! I invoke the name of Brother Dave advisedly, on this day when the media is fraught with stories about...the media! Don Imus is the human incarnation of a slug; America is shocked to its core that an over-the-hill shock jock can't control his tongue. Thousands seek grief counseling...CNN goes 24/7 on how America, already one the ropes. is struggling to survive this latest assault...blah blah. Yeah, Imus is a jerk...q'uel surprise!

I mention Brother Dave because he is, I believe, the first person other than Richard Nixon to abruptly end his career on television, with less than 10 words on the Johnny Carson Show. If you never heard the story, don't expect me to tell it to you...the very though of having to deal with the Right Reverend Al Sharpton in any capacity fills me with roiling nausea. I would like to point out, however, that a full generation before Cheech and Chong, Brother Dave occasionally slipped a dope joke into one of his signature routines, The Motorcycle Story, whereas Charles and Miss Baby are in a juke joint:

"...let's blow this joint!"

"Naw man, pass it on to the waitress!"

I didn't get it when I was 12. Maybe I still don't...

In any case, I hope I've added a little culture to your dull gray Wednesday; now here's some news you can use! I haven't made fun of Katie Couric in a long time, largely because she's marginalized herself and her overpriced Manolo collection out of existance on the failing CBS Evening "people love it when you lose..." News... Well, CBS is having to apologize for their Million Dollar Baby. This from Newsweek:

CBS certainly got something different than it bargained for when it stole America’s Sweetheart from the “Today” show last year. Not only has Couric failed to draw her loyal fans to her new network: “CBS Evening News with Katie Couric” remains a distant third behind NBC and ABC. Now, Couric is embroiled in an embarrassing flap with The Wall Street Journal over plagiarism, the ultimate journalistic sin.

So they cribbed La Couric's "personal" essay on the library from the smart people at the Wall Street Journal. I'm not surprised that a personal essay on libraries and books from Katie Couric would send up red flags...let's face it...the morning teevee boys and girls can clearly recognize a book if they see one, but in the absence of an on/off switch, a wi-fi connection or a personal assistant who can read aloud, I'm not sure they totally understand how a book actually works. This, slightly embellished, from an interview with an author on the Today Show last week:

Interviewer: While I haven't actually read the book, I picked it up last night and I noticed that it was heavy...
Author: Yes, and in the first chapter...
Interviewer: VERY heavy [mugs to the audience], like a brick or my purse! So you just know there's lots of GOOD information in it...
Author: In Thomas Jefferson's early years...
Interviewer: And the COVER! It's so brightly colored and appealing! Not what you would expect in a book about old stuff and dead people...like I was telling Matt...
Author: Jefferson's concepts shaped...
Interviewer: AS I WAS SAYING, I was telling Matt...it's lucky they don't sell books by the pound, or no one could afford this one! [looks toward the audience and assumes THOUGHTFUL FACE] And so few people understand the effect The Jeffersons had on America! That was a funny funny show! [back to the author, who has passed out on the floor] Thank you for sharing with us! Next, did you know that cleaning toilet bowls can actually be fun? YEEECH! Thank heavens for domestic help!"