Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Master Returns to the Game!!!


WARNING! Irreverence Alert!

The room is dark and smoky, the music almost overpowering. The young man in the lime green pants steps slowly into the room, his head swiveling to take in the pole dancers, the cocktail waitresses, the sumo-sized bouncers. He is tense, nervous, a sour taste in his mouth. Fear, he thinks, I'm afraid.

He orders a watered down drink from an impossibly buxom cocktail waitress, glancing into her ample cleavage. Nothing! he thinks, on the verge panic. Nothing at all! He scans the room for a seat, momentarily fixing on the woman on the center pole. Oh my God! She looks just like my wife! Buzz kill! Buzz kill! He quickly seats himself close to the third pole, his back to the center of the room.

He stares at the brunette, who slithers across the stage and positions herself directly in front of him. Focus! Focus! She begins working her hands over her body...up her thighs, over her breasts, her buttocks. He is on the verge of bolting when, suddenly, a twinge from below his belt. A twinge getting stronger, swelling, growing, until he feels on fire. Hell yes, he thinks as he takes a roll of hundred dollar bills out of his pocket, the Master is back! Sink that putt, baby!

9 comments:

Geoff aka Pathfinder said...

Sweetie out of town, MB?????

Anonymous said...

Geoff, because I don't think you get it, that's a reference to Tiger Woods return to golf.

Michael Bane said...

Naw...it's the classic case of an ex-celebrity journalist — me — nauseated at the cult of celebrity. I truly can't understand why anyone would care if, say, Tiger Woods or Jessica Simpson was fed into a wood chipper by yetis, except that the yetis would be kinda cool.

mb

Anonymous said...

Michael, to a lot of gunies, you and Rob Leathan are God's and envied by the rest.
To most golfers Tiger is a God and envied dy all.
Ed Jones

Anonymous said...

Bane and Leatham gods? I've met them both and they come up short (for gods).

My impression may change if FTG is ever published.

P.S. I found Leatham to be a very funny guy.

Bane, you know who this is....

Wallaby Jack said...

...... lime green pants ????

Anonymous said...

I was beginning to suspect a milk bar

seeker_two said...

Tune in next week for another episode of MICHAEL BANE, LOUNGE LIZARD .....

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