Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Almost Gone...

The harvest is passed
The summer is over
And we are not saved
Jeremiah 8:20

Morning found us calmly unaware
Noon burn gold into our hair
At night, we sailed the laughin' sea
When summer's gone
Where will we be?
The Doors
"Summer's Almost Gone"

Sigh...the high aspen are turning gold; it's in the 40s in the morning and the furnace is clicking on. I can't deny it any longer however much I might try. Summer is finished, over, yesyterday's news, history. And are we saved, or what?

Well, the good news is that we've won the war on terror, bank robbery, serial killers and kidnapping, which leaves our pals at the FBI free to pursue the real problem facing America: obscenity. This from the Washington Post this AM:
Early last month, the bureau's Washington Field Office began recruiting for a new anti-obscenity squad. Attached to the job posting was a July 29 Electronic Communication from FBI headquarters to all 56 field offices, describing the initiative as "one of the top priorities" of Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales and, by extension, of "the Director." That would be FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III.

Mischievous commentary began propagating around the water coolers at 601 Fourth St. NW and its satellites, where the FBI's second-largest field office concentrates on national security, high-technology crimes and public corruption.

The new squad will divert eight agents, a supervisor and assorted support staff to gather evidence against "manufacturers and purveyors" of pornography -- not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults.

"I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. "We must not need any more resources for espionage."
In other reasonably entertaining news this AM, Colorado wildlife officials did not cite a deer hunter for capping a mountain lion which had apparently decided to gnaw down on said hunter:
The hunter, who was not identified, first attempted to scare the animal off by throwing items and yelling at it, said Division of Wildlife spokesman Randy Hampton. But when those actions didn’t faze the approaching cougar, the man shot it with his muzzleloader.

“It was snarling, hissing at him,” Hampton said. “He threw some stuff at it and couldn’t scare it off.”
The hunter had a muzzleloader, so one assumes that he decided to expend his single bullet on the kitty-cat. Had this happened in Boulder County, where I live and which has so many lions that it had a whole book written about the phenomenon (The Beast in the Garden), the hunter would be charged with capital murder, officials would be looking for relatives of the cat for the impending lawsuit and there would be demonstrations on the Pearl Street Mall calling for full voting rights for cougars.

Come to think of it, I would support full voting rights for cougars! Imagine this Statewide Referendum, sponsored by State Senator Argh-Roar du Bitem, nicknamed "Sylvester:"

COLORADO REFERENDUM "B" — The Rights of Prey. We, the People of the State of Colorado, in acknowledgement of the Natural Reality of the Food Chain, the Soverign Rights of Animals and in keeping with the Ethical Treatment of Animals, do hereby vote and acknowledge that PREY HAS NO RIGHTS and may thusly be consumed, eaten, or processed for consumption at a later date.
The City of Boulder would look like New Orleans, empty streets with only scraps of tie-dyed t-shirts and protest posters blowin' in the wind. The last University of Colorado student would be hording the last beer listening to the last liberal professor bemoaning the fact that she wasn't eaten sooner, since even lions have trouble getting the skanky taste of liberal out of their mouths or that nasty film off their teeth.

Now that would be an autumn to remember!


Anonymous said...

Mr. Bane,
I just got back from Creede, Colo.
Closing the cabin for the winter. It seems the Aspen are late this year. It was 22 one morning. The Elk were bugleing. No place like Colorado. One thing for sure. Most of the locals there believe in the right to bear arms. Regards

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