Thursday, June 29, 2006

Buzzards Gotta Eat...Same As Worms

So today I got to handle Clint Eastwood's Walker Colt from The Outlaw Josey Wales, the Colt from Pale Rider and a couple of John Wayne's guns...yeah, my job pretty much sucks, but someone has to do it.

So I'm in a Mexican restaurant in SoCal eating a reasonably good guacamole with some sort of blistering salsa when I realize I'm being buzzed by cherubs and seraphim, who I've been ignoring lately. One of the little darlings, who looked vaguely like a Slovakian fashion model — dressed in about half of a Christina Aguilera performance outfit — after a three-day glue bender, lit on my shoulder.

"The SOCOM pistol final specs are coming in August," she whispered.

"Beat it," I said. "You said it was due in April; besides, I already know it's coming in August."

"That was my sister," she sighed, the tip of a decidedly pointed tongue touching my ear, "who doesn't know a thing about military bureaucracy...I can tell you something she doesn't know..."

"Beat it."

A whispering sigh..."suppose the spec contains a 'currently in production' clause? No toolroom prototypes? That would change the whole dynamics, wouldn't it?"

"Not going to happen," I said. "Too many big players frozen out."

"One of those big players is on the market," she whispered; I felt the touch of silky skin on my ear, "...or will be veeeeeery soon..."

"Bad seraphim!", I said. "Back to wherever seraphim come from..."

She ruffled her wings like an irritated — but slutty — parrot. "The Carpathians," she said, "where people still believe in us." She leaned close and I again felt the tip of a tongue. "If you get me a strawberry margarita and tell you dirty little secrets about Colt..."

"That's it!" I said. "No Colt! Absolutely NO Colt! I don't want to hear anything at all about Colt! Next you'll be telling me it's going to be auctioned off on eBay..."

"Clever boy!" she said. "Almost..."


Anonymous said...


When is your next book coming out? I feel your need for expression.

Anonymous said...

Whoa! Now that's a surprise.

I thought Colt had been relegated to the dustbin of manufacturing history quite some time ago.

It's been years and years and years since they actually tried to sell a gun to any of us grubby civilians.

Who knew they were actually still around?

Isn't this sort of like an Ivory Billed Woodpecker sighting?

Anonymous said...

Could you pleas ask those seraphim when Taurus is shipping the Thunderbolt?

Or do cherubim have that info?

Anonymous said...

After reading your post michael i'm wondering what was in that salsa.

Michael I have heard today that the NRA has now contacted the lawyer for KT Ordnance and said that they want to Help.
The NRA did not say what kind of help they were willing to offer.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bruce said...

I have no life. I Googled "Slovakian fashion model" and you are the only entry.