Thursday, January 26, 2006

Make My Day...And For Heaven's Sake, Take A BAATH!

I think I need more rest; otherwise, how could I cope with this:
Gun firm debuts scent at ex-Versace home

Smith & Wesson — as in "Bang! Bang! You're dead!" — is launching a men's fragrance named after itself, and SoFla is its early marketing, ahem, target.

Wait, it gets weirder.

The delicate nectar is scheduled to be unveiled Saturday night at a fancy party at Casa Casuarina in Miami Beach.

Beg your pardon?

Smith & Wesson Cologne is set to be introduced at the former Versace mansion. Casa Casuarina, owned by Boca multimillionaire Peter Loftin, once was known as the Versace mansion. It was on its steps that Italian couturier Gianni Versace was shot dead in 1997 by a man on a killing spree, Andrew Cunanan. He later committed suicide in a houseboat surrounded by cops.
WELL, this puts a whole new odour on the SHOT Show, doesn't it? My now clean and sweet-smelling cherubs and seraphim tell me that SIGARMS is looking at "tactical bubble-bath," that when coupled with their complete aromatherapy line guarantees even the most aggressive operator won't accumulate any bad after-action reports, if you get our drift...

Glock is testing a line R. Lee Ermey Signature roll-on deodorant in an OD-green dispenser designed to look like a WWII Zippo Lighter. Sneaky little Austrian angels tell me the deodorant is NOT mixed with antiperspirant, because, "REAL men sweat!" In a clever marketing ploy, the deodorant will be mixed with beach sand, so you'll always have that, "First grunt hittin' the beach" feeling.

Look for Cimarron Firearms to introduce their cowboy line of HORSE SWEAT NO SWEAT SMELL SWEET combination cologne, no-cal sweetener and linament for man and beast. We understand the Texas armmakers are "within hours" of signing an endorsement agreement with actor Ian McShane, who plays "Al Swearengen" on the hit HBO series DEADWOOD. The tentative advertising slogan for the new men's fragrance is, "F&%$ you, you f^%$ c)(&%$#*%...if you don't use this s%&^, you'll f#$^*& smell like c%&%^$#*&^ s&^%$#!" We smell an ADDY AWARD!!!

For a whiff of Old Europe, be sure to pick up a bottle of Beretta's Age-Old Essence, which actually incorporates walnut dust and boiled lindseed oil from their stockmaking facility, which began in 1526, mixed with residues from polymer frames.

You know, I could keep going and going with this...

10 comments:

iainmcphersn said...

Oddly enough as well that Versace was killed by a 40 S&W round. Cunanan was courteous enough to use a Taurus automatic, instead of a Smith.

Anonymous said...

I waiting for the "lady Smith Feminine deodarant spray".....

Anonymous said...

Whatever happened to plain old Hoppe's #9 or Ballistol?

Anonymous said...

Yuck, will this insatiable desire for licensing and lifestyle branding never end? Just because Harly Davidson did it successfully does that mean that's the only way for a gun manufacturer to build their "brand".

Anonymous said...

I bet the perfume performs better than their semi-autos do.

Anonymous said...

Elmer Keith Ed McGivern and Bill Jordan are rolling in their graves along with Messrs Smith & Wesson.

I wonder how long it will take this brain trust to think to include a little sample pack of eau de S&W in every boxed S&W?

Also can we anticipate a S&W Magnum prophylactic? Would bring a whole new meaning to "doing someone" with a S&W!

Anonymous said...

OK, is it me or is that just a little to gay?

Anonymous said...

Good t-shirts are not a bad idea. Perfume is.

Anonymous said...

Maybe they'll make a gun that works well to celebrate. That'd be kewl.

Anonymous said...

It seems like S&W can only expand their biz through licensing agreements. After more than 150 years they have run out of ideas. And a new knock off AR they have built by others isn't considered an original idea - a 'me too' idea sure.