Saturday, March 01, 2008

White Trash Cooking 101

So I'm home alone, since my Sweetie is in Caliornia with her ailing granny...I managed to get in an hour of mountain biking after a morning in the studio looking at REALLY GOOD episodes of SHOOTING GALLERY. Cheered me up, so i decided on the bicycle over the range...besides, it's going to start snowing again soon, and I wanted to get some exercise in.

So I come home and the Food Channel is doing a bunch of stuff on Southern cooking...hmmmm, my original plan for dinner was a turkey sandwich...snore, nod...but real cooking requires work, which sucks when you're alone. Then it strikes me...white trash cooking...Wal-Mart Southern!

I fish out the remnants of an oh-so-dry, oh-so-tasteless and dreadfully healthy turkey meatloaf from the local Whole Foods, make a run to the market for a baking potato and a jar of something that may or may not resemble gravy, re-season the meatloaf, fake the gravy with chicken stock, Emiril spices and — I swear! — Bac-O-Bits, nuke the potato, renuke the meatloaf, whip out the Bisquick for faux biscuits, and, as the piece de resistance, nuke up some frozen corn. Just like Mom used to make!

Well, it tasted Southern and comforty...I think one of my arteries is going to explode. And my grandmother, who first taught me how to cook Southern, is probably wringing her hands up in heaven..."Bisquick? He's going to go to hell for sure!"

Tomorrow I'm going to bolt the new Dillon 1050 to the bench to start cranking out .45 ACPs. I've probably got 10-15K .45 cases, some of them dating back to WW2, around the ole gun room. I know there are a few thousand bullets around, but I'm going to have to buy a bunch...generally, I stick to Oregon Trail/Laser Cast bullets, because I've spent enough time scrubbing lead out of bores. It always cracks me up tp read that reloading is "hobby;" reloading is "punishment." I've tried to teach Alf the Wonder Beagle how to pull the levers on the Blue Machines, but she's got some opposable thumb issues. Back when I was a serious competitor, i used to set in my little Tuff Shed in Florida, watch television and pull the lever...I kept this up until a double load in a BHP. Whoopie!

Now I zen it out when I reload...while pouring tea, pour tea; while pulling the level on a reloading machine, pull the lever on the reloading machine, Grasshopper!

Next week, I swear I'll get to the Para Carry 9!


Not Available said...

Just like Mom used to make!

LOL! My mom could cook anything that came in a can! Dad wouldn't let her touch fresh meat.

Anonymous said...

In the grocery, right next to the Bisquick, you should find Pioneer Original Biscuit and Baking Mix. Makes a much superior biscuit.

Well, they're superior in my mouth.

Jerry The Geek said...

"Back when I was a serious competitor ...".

Flashback: USPSA Area 1 Tournament, 1999, Reno.

I remember you laughing all day long, every day.

I'm a serious competitor, too!

Unknown said...

10k-15k of brass.

Oh, Michael... That's not safe. Too much brass can negatively affect hair growth, voice development, and sexual function.

As a friend and concerned viewer, I'll be over this weekend to help remove that dangerous material before it gets into the ground water.

(I better take any lead, too. Have to be safe, you understand.)