Thursday, November 10, 2005

An Abundance of Riches...and a Drain on the Old Bank Account

C'mon, I'm in the business! At any given time, I've got guns coming, going or out for repair/customization. It may be a gun I ordered months and months ago, or a gun that's been in construction for a year (or current record is a 1911 from Dick Heinie that took 14 years to be completed...honest! It's a very nice 1911, though...). Sometimes it's a gun that got sent out for minor work and ended up a Long March, because the gunsmith thought it needed more of an overhaul than I did (and I defer to the gunsmith about 50% of the time).

Anyway, I'm betting that all this hardware doesn't suddenly arrive on my doorstep the same day, because I only allocate X dollars for gunstuff on any given month. And it never does...usually.

Yes yes, you know where this is going, don't you!?! I got caught out. BOY, did I get caught out! Cylinder & Slide finished my two cowboy guns, New Blackhawks in .357. I sent 'em out for trigger jobs after they irritated me to death at Hell on Wheels in Wyoming. Mr. Bill at C&S convinced me that, since these are going to be my primary cowboy competition guns for 2006, he needed to get them to 100%. My friends, 100% costs substantially more than 90%!!! Worth it? July.

Doug Turnbull tells me my .44 Special US Firearms heartbreakingly beautiful single action is ready to ship...months ahead of my mental schedule. Para tells me my 9mm Warthog, ordered on television at the SHOT now on the way to my transfer guy. Oh yeah, the Hamilton Bowen .38/40, built for an episode of SHOOTING GALLERY and hiding at Patrick Sweeney's house for an article in HANDGUNS magazine, is on the way. And that's not to mention the 1911 S&W and the M21 .44 Special I bought when I thought I had some spare money! Or the .38 N-Frame from Accurate Plating...okay...time for eBay! Maybe move some safe queens...get a second job...take up panhandling — that'd work..."NO DRINK! NO SMOKE! DESTITUTE MAN NEEDS MONEY FOR CUSTOM GUNS!" Maybe I can glue my butt to a toilet seat...hell, this is Nederland, after all! I have a right to glue my butt to a toilet seat! "Well, Katie, not only did I pass the lie detector test, but just take a look at the scars on my young butt...look close...there's one that shaped just like Karl Rove! You think my butt is hot? Hey Anne Curry, come on over here!!! Yep, I'm going to take all the money I get in the settlement and pay off my custom gun bills! Is Rachael Ray on this network? I bet she'd know how to get a toilet seat off my butt quick like a bunny!"

I''ll be cranking out gun tests starting tomorrow!


Anonymous said...

If you packaged up the past seasons of Shooting Gallery and put them on DVD, that would get you some extra gun money!

Michael Bane said...

Sadly, I would also get FIRED!

The Outdoor Channel unequivocally owns those rights, and they have an exclusive deal with Wally World, which I don't participate in...'s back to gluing my butt to a toilet seat...


Anonymous said...

auction off guest spots on the show. I want to be on TV so if I give you, say, $250 would you put me in the show somewhere? Oh, sure, I bet you're going to tell me TOC owns that right too.

Michael Bane said...

No, bizarrely, I'm in 100% control of show content, but the *money* would go to TOC as supplementary income.

However, I think I'm going to steal your idea! The new SG website is almost finished, scheduled to "go live" in late December. I'm going to run a contest (or maybe an auction, with proceeds to charity) in conjunction with the new website, for a slot at a GUNSITE or VALHALLA class, all expenses paid. Maybe get you a free gun and rig as well. We'll film it; it'll be big fun!



PS: "Absorb what is useful..." Bruce Lee

Anonymous said...

Well, now, I bet there are one or two folks like me who'd pay a little coin to have super-sekrit-decoder-ring access to the "behind-the-curtain" section of your new website -- in my case, where I'd hope to see extensive pics of the Bane gun collection. Set the price right and you could afford Ichiro Nagata pics, maybe?

More Gun Pr0n!