Tuesday, August 22, 2006

How to Catch Osama...Details Inside!

This'll work...honest!

First, read this, from the Indy Channel:
Author: Bin Laden Obsessed With Whitney Houston

Al-Qaida Leader Wanted To Kill Singer's Husband, Author Says

NEW YORK -- Sudanese poet and novelist Kola Boof, who claims to have been Osama bin Laden's sex slave, has written in her autobiography, "Diary of a Lost Girl," that the al-Qaida leader was obsessed with Whitney Houston.

The New York Post quoted Boof as saying bin Laden told her Houston was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

Boof said he even talked about spending a lot of money to go to the U.S. and meet her.
Okay, stay with me here...we send SEAL Team 6 and/or President Palmer and the guys from The Unit to Atlanta to humanely capture Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. If Kevin Costner is present, it would be acceptable, and perhaps desirable, to either euthanize him or charge him with the murder of JonBenet Ramsey.

Once Houston and Brown are successfully captured, a Department of Defense jet will whisk them to Kandahar region of Pakistsan, where she and her hubby will be staked out on a 20-foot tether in one of the rugged mountainous regions. A crack pipe and a pound of marijuana will be placed just out of reach of the two superstars, and the sound system previously used in Panama during the Noriega event will be connected to an iPod continually looping "I Will Always Love You" at megavolume.

I say we play our big cards here, and assemble a "hit team" consisting of Richard Marcinko, Kiefer Sutherland, Chuck Norris, that chick on "Alias," and Andre 3000 and Big Boi from OutKast.

Then we wait...


Anonymous said...

"an iPod continually looping "I Will Always Love You" at megavolume"

There are some things that the world at large just will not tolerate. This would clearly be "1st Degree Aural Assault".

Cutting off heads with a dull knife is one thing...this is makes me shudder!


Anonymous said...

Chuck Norris needs no help- Chuck's tears can cure Cancer- problem is Chuck Norris is to manly to cry. Now Captain Kirk on the other hand could give Osama a flying jump kick.

Anonymous said...

For what it is worth, I agree on the Kevin Costner thing. You could always use the Waterworld defense if brought before an international tribunal.